Mind and body…

… are linked together in sickness and in health in a stunning way. My smitten and disgusted mind is like my smitten and disgusted mouth – it will not simply feed on things it has always taken. The things have gathered a hue which to my eyes is sick and unhealthy and unneeded. My mind and my body, so precious and so delicate, keep vomiting – so much that just anything makes me retch: a word, a thought, a biscuit, a fruit-juice, a glance. They will violently vomit everything and never keep it. A besieged mediaeval bastion spitting pitch on anyone approaching. My soul is another matter.

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Raving sane

Finally. I’m raving sane.
Even though I’m a bit like Gwyneth Paltrow in “Sliding Doors” at the moment. I’m simply disgusted, and the physical reaction of disgust is nausea. So I keep on vomiting my disgust night and day, until one day I’ll stop and all this will simply end. There are a lot of things to fix. There are a lot of things to destroy. It’s OK like that, one needn’t argue about the justice of things or one will start raving mad again. Funny how easy it is at a certain point in the afternoon to simply stop and steal a couple of moments to show your inner parts to the whole world. It’s comfortable, so that you don’t really have to tell them to anyone.

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Disgust (this post is rated R)

What has happened to women in Italy? Half of them are nice, intelligent, creative, and honest. But what of the other half? The quintessence of sluts. For all of you who don’t feel to belong to the second category, I apologize. I’m also prepared to confront your insults, being from Eastern Europe myself – the main reservoir for cheap, underage pronstitution in the Western world. It’s simply that every now and then I stumble upon such cases and matters that quite shock me. I mean – come on, what’s going on? Do you feel comfortable in invading other people’s lives, in luring and seducing, in praizing at the right moment and sniffing for the proper track to reach somebody’s vanity and pride? In starting things right out in secrecy, so that as soon as somebody accepts a tone and a mode, they cannot go back any longer – and matters have to stay hidden and secret forever? Do you feel nice and comfortable about yourself? Do you feel proud of yourself? Have you ever imagined that things have a cause and a consequence, that there is a right and a wrong, that other people, even if absent, have hearts and souls? I feel very ashamed for you.

What has happened to men in Italy? Half of them are nice, intelligent, and honest. They make you feel like you’re special and they don’t have problems to tell you they love you. Unluckily, they also don’t have any problem in telling the appropriate words to anyone who satisfies their ego and kneels down in front of them and in front of their … but let go. Fuck you all.

“Please bleed
So I know that you are real
So I know that you can feel
The damage that you’ve done”

PS: I was also professionally slighted, today. This has been a really great week.

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Dents and bruises

This week I’ve been cut, sewn, scratched, untoothed, disgusted, shocked, flown, driven, taken, thrown, tanned, moved, rained, swallowed up and digested.
It seems that the whole of it was lined up in a row and I’ve cut through it as if I was on a coaster.
When I’m abroad and when I’m back again I feel a little like Gulliver in Lilliput – sarcasm is really one of the best services I offer and I really like criticizing almost anything (even though I feel the intense remorse of it each time).

I’ve seen: death, betrayal, coziness, dirt, cleanliness, sadism

I’ve felt: panic, intense anger, warmth, uneasiness, joy, pain

I really hope I’m not going to be through such things again. I’m a bit emotionally and physically dented. My bruises will take some time to heal. These things shouldn’t be in a blog actually, but I’m sleepless and there you go. I can’t wait for all of this to pass, so that I can go on being a peaceful and graceful and socially useful ant, simply striving through my daily (calibrated) share of shock. All together can be a little too much. Good night everyone.

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